After All
by MinaZareen
Summary: It's 2014 and Dean had been avoiding Castiel for months, but when a mission goes wrong, he finally musters up the courage to apologize to him. Fluffy Destiel Endverse!AU


It hadn't been a very good day, but it hadn't been particularly bad either. Actually it had been just like any other day, at least for Castiel. A few years back he probably would have cared. But times have changed and by now he wasn't even sure whether he could still feel anything but indifference. He was actually surprised that he had noticed the distraught look on Dean's face. Then again it was Dean and even though Dean hadn't talked to him for what felt like an eternity and his expression had hardened over the years he could still read his face like a book.

Dean and some of the others had been out on a mission, looking for provisions. They had long since quit the search for possible survivors of the virus, but they were running out of supplies and Dean had been forced to take actions. Missions were always risky and fatalities were not unusual, so Cas had not been surprised when only four of the original group of five returned to the camp. He had watched them through the window of his cabin as they carried the boxes of supplies to the main building.

Dean hadn't helped them. He had been talking to one of the girls, the killed guy's girlfriend, Cas assumed, handing her a piece of paper and patting her back before walking off towards his own cabin.

Cas had not seen him leave his room since. He knew something was wrong and in a way he wanted to go over to the man he'd once been so close to and ask him, but he knew that Dean wouldn't want to speak to him.

He didn't know what time it was when he moved to his bed and pulled the dingy sheets up to his chin. It must have been long past midnight because the camp was completely quiet.

It took him a while to fall asleep but the various pills he had taken made it easier.

It was to the sound of the door being shut and footsteps on the creaking wooden floor that he woke up. The room was still dark and it took some time for his eyes to adapt before he could make out the outlines of the person standing in his cabin. The figure stepped closer and Cas sat up, feeling too vulnerable lying on his bed in just his boxers.

"Cas?" A raspy voice cut through the silence. It sounded weak and hoarse but Castiel would have recognized that voice at any time.

"Dean?" Cas tried not to sound too surprised. He didn't want Dean to know he had missed him. "What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night."

Dean looked back at the door and then turned his gaze to the floor, avoiding Castiel's questioning look. "I'm sorry- I- you're right, I shouldn't have-" He cleared his throat.

Cas sighed, "It's okay Dean, just tell me what's wrong."

Dean stepped closer to the bed and Cas scooted over so Dean could sit down next to him. He sat on the edge of the bed, one hand rubbing over the back of his neck as he tried to find the words for what he wanted to say. He had known that this wasn't going to be easy but now that he was here it seemed even harder. He was glad it was dark; he didn't really want Cas to see him like this. But he had to get this over with. He took a deep breath and looked up at Cas.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything- for putting you through this. It's my fault you fell and it's my fault I didn't say yes to Michael and-"

He stopped when he felt Castiel's hand on his shoulder.

"It's not your fault Dean. You had hope. There's nothing wrong with that." Cas scooted closer to him so he could put his arm around him. "You did the right thing, I'm not mad at you."

"How can you not be mad at me? You lost everything. Man, I feel so guilty I couldn't even look at you anymore let alone talk to you."

"What made you change your mind?"

Dean looked back down at his hands and shook his head. "The guy who got killed today, Alex, he- when he realized he was infected- he asked me to give his girlfriend a letter, telling her that he loved her. He had kept it in his pocket because he knew that one day he wouldn't make it back to the camp." Tears were welling up in his eyes but he quickly brushed them away. "I just- one day it's going to be me and I- I want you to know that I'm sorry, that I never wanted any of this. You mean a lot to me, Cas. You have no idea how hard it is to stay away from you but I- I just couldn't do this any longer- you're better off without me."

Castiel grabbed Dean's shoulders, turning him around so he had to face him.

"Dean, of all the things we went through, all the misery and suffering- there was nothing that hurt nearly as bad those last few months without you. You were the only thing I had left but it was fine because you were there. And then you left and- Dean- I missed you so much. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep- I took so many pills I'm surprised I'm still alive," he looked away, a sad smile on his lips, before he turned back to Dean.

Tears were running down Dean's cheeks but he either hadn't noticed them or he simply didn't mind them anymore. When Cas reached up to wipe them away Dean closed his eyes. The touch was soft and gentle and it took all of his self-control not to lean into it.

Castiel's other hand found his and he began to draw comforting circles on the back of Dean's hand. His voice was shaky when he spoke again.

"It was so hard to see you talking to others. I thought, now that I wasn't an angel anymore, you didn't need me any longer, I thought-"

He was silenced when Dean leaned forward and Cas could feel soft lips press against his in a chaste kiss, barely more than a touch, and for a moment he forgot how to breathe.

Dean drew back and Cas could sense his uncertainty when he looked up at him.

"Cas… I don't care whether you're an angel or not, damn, I think wouldn't even care if you were a fucking demon- I-I love you Cas. I think I always have…" He sighed and lowered his gaze back to the floor. He had sworn to himself to look at Cas, but this was too fucking hard, even in the dark.

"There was a time when I thought that maybe we could be more than friends- but I- I just couldn't bring myself to tell you." He didn't know why he kept talking, his heart was racing and it was hard to breathe regularly, but he had to get this off his chest. "I know it's too late and I know that I shouldn't but- I just wanted to tell you as long as I still had the chance to."

He felt Cas shift on the bed and then he was pulled into a tight embrace. He buried his face in the curve of Cas's neck, feeling the warmth and taking in the comforting scent of the ex-angel. Cas's hand tangled in his hair and he tugged softly at the strands so he could whisper into Dean's ear. "It's not too late, you know?" He placed gentle kisses along Dean's jawbone and then further down his neck. Dean shuddered. This wasn't supposed to be happening. He'd expected Cas to be upset, but instead he could feel his fingertips roaming over his chest, sliding lower until they were tugging at the hem of his shirt.

"Dean, I need you, please," Cas panted and Dean felt a wave of heat wash through his body. He quickly shrugged out of his jacket and pulled his shirt over his head before leaned back down, claiming Castiel's lips in a bruising kiss, one hand on the back of his neck, the other one grabbing the dark strands of hair. Cas moaned and Dean took the chance to slide his tongue into his mouth, exploring and tasting. Cas quickly caught on to the new sensation, kissing back just as passionate, letting his tongue slide along Dean's and sucking on his bottom lip.

He slid his hands up Dean's thighs and brushed his palm over the growing bulge in his jeans, stroking him through the fabric. Dean gasped, breaking their kiss as Cas pushed him down on the bed and straddled his legs. He started to unbuckle Dean's belt, his hands clumsy and trembling with anticipation. Dean reached down to help him and somehow they managed to get him out of his pants.

Cas crawled further up Dean's body until their hips aligned, tracing his tongue over his clavicle and grinding his hips down, searching for friction. They groaned in unison, pleasure cursing through their veins.

"Oh _fuck,_ Cas!" Dean threw his head back into the pillows, his back arching off the bed.

Cas fingers trailed over the waistband of his boxers, tugging them lower. "C-can I?" he asked, not sure whether Dean would be comfortable being exposed like that.

"_Yeah_, yeah sure- do whatever you want, just-"

His breath hitched when the cold air of the room hit his skin. Cas got off his lap so he could take his own boxers off as well and then lay down beside Dean.

Dean turned to his side so he was facing Castiel and slung an arm around his waist, pulling him closer.

Cas's hand trailed over his chest, to his hipbone, before he reached down and wrapped his fingers around both their erections.

Dean bit down on his bottom lip to muffle the sounds that escaped his throat. He could feel Castiel's hard cock twitching against his and his hips bucked up involuntarily when Cas ducked his head and flicked his tongue over his nipples.

Castiel began to slowly stroke their cocks, squeezing and twisting his hand on every upward movement. He slid his thumb over the heads, using the precome to ease the friction as he gradually picked up speed.

"Cas- _oh fuck_," Dean gasped, thrusting up into his hand. "F-feels so good, _Cas_- love you so much."

Cas could feel Dean's hand on his back, sliding lower to his ass and spreading his cheeks and he moaned when Dean's finger brushed over his hole, teasing him. The movements of Cas's hand became frantic and he buried his face in the crook of Dean's neck.

"I-I'm close," he panted, thrusting up into his hand.

"Shh.. It's alright Cas, let go," Dean whispered, his breath hot on Castiel's ear. "Come for me, _angel_."

He pressed the tip of his finger to Cas's hole, just slightly pushing inside and Cas gave one last, sharp thrust into his hand before he came, Dean's name falling from his lips as he trembled with the force of his orgasm.

Dean pressed his lips to his forehead and brushed back the sweaty strands of dark hair, soothing him and mumbling _I love you _while Cas shuddered in his arms.

Cas let go of his spent cock and closed his hand around Dean's. He sped up his movements, using his come as lube and Dean moaned when he felt Castiel's mouth on his neck, nibbling and sucking at the sensitive skin.

He could feel his own orgasm nearing, his hips stuttered and he tugged at Cas's short hair, pulling him back up for a kiss. The sensations were quickly becoming too much and he cried out as he came between them, moaning Castiel's name over and over.

He felt limp and heavy when he came down from his post orgasmic high. He turned onto his back and smiled when Cas snuggled closer to him and nuzzled his head under his chin while they waited for their breathing to calm down.

"Are you gonna stay?" Castiel's voice was low and he pushed himself up on his elbows so he could look down at Dean.

Dean's smile faltered and his expression grew serious. "I, uh- Do you want me to?"

Cas was confused. "Of course I want you to." Dean smiled again and placed his hand on the back of Cas's neck to pull him in for a quick kiss. He ran his hands over his back, feeling the muscles move beneath the soft skin.

"Yeah I'm gonna stay."

Castiel couldn't help but return the smile. He leaned down and kissed him, his thumb caressing Dean's cheekbone before he drew away and lay back down on Dean's chest. He could feel Dean's heart pounding against his ribs and the warmth radiating from his body.

"I love you too, Dean," he mumbled. "Loved you ever since I dragged your soul out of hell."

He yawned and Dean chuckled at his angel. Cas would always be his angel, no matter what. He slung his arms around him and sighed contently.

The first rays of sunlight broke through the curtains and tainted the room in soft colours. Dean wasn't sure whether he could actually feel the warmth of the light falling onto their tangled forms or whether it was just his imagination, but he didn't mind.

For the first time in his life he felt safe and not afraid of falling asleep. Even if the nightmares returned, Cas would be there to hold him.


End file.
